Beer for Breakfast

Oddly, I’m not really much of a drinker anymore. I kind of gave up the hobby after my first couple years of college after becoming the beer pong champ several times. Now-a-days I may go out to the bar and drink a max of 3 drinks. I know…. being a responsible adult sucks.

When it comes to parties and special occassions though, I like to kick back a few, beer is a little better for social gatherings in my opinion because you don’t get shit-face wasted and end up waking up in a different state than when you first started drinking (true story). I have a pretty diverse palette when it comes to beer. Mostly I prefer the “regular beer” like Coors, or a Bud but sometimes I’ll mix it up with some Killians or some PBR if I’m feeling froggy. Dark beer is cool with me too, as long as its a Guinness and only if I’m drinking it with my bro. For some reason we always end up drinking THAT beer. I’m a fan of exotics too, I like Newcastle, Red Stripe, and have a particular affection for rasperbeery brew.

Cyanide and Happiness Rocks!!

Why did I give up constantly getting wrecked and fur-snickered you ask?!? I just seen a lot of people make a lot of bad decisions because of drinking. Friendships and families destroyed…. yadda yadda yadda, I just figured that I would get out of it before something bad happened.

Here’s some of my drinking high-lights:

1. Was playing “Slap-the-fifth” a game which requires you to slap a fifth, then proceed to drink the fifth without setting the bottle down. During this event, I happened to find a nice construction cone barrier, which I then promptly vomitted into. Unfortunatly, it was in my friends bedroom. How it got there, is still unknown. What IS KNOWN however is the fact that my friends liked to prank me when shit got out of control. So when I got hit by the TAZER at 3 in the morning. I got up, stumbled my way into the kitchen where this hottie I was working on before I passed out was sprawled out on the floor. She had made a bed out of empty beer cases but was not fully out of it yet. When she noticed the puke stains on my shirt, I knew there would be no further chance for the nookie. Thanks guys….assholes.

2. One night started out pretty chill. The band (Kaotic Tendancies at the time) was throwing a little bash at one of our guitarists house. I had the bright idea of just skipping the beer all together and getting a gallon of vodka, and a gallon of OJ and mixing the two together into two milk containers. That way, I just had to carry my mixed gallon around and didn’t have to worry about any cooler statchers. I really didn’t care that it would be warm, it wasn’t going to last long at the amount I was drinking at the time.

The events of that night are hazy, but when I woke up the next morning, I found myself in the ditch in front of MY HOUSE. How I got to my house is still unknown, but I later learned that someone had punched my friends DAD in the FACE, and the party had broken up. But there is more to the story, as I awakened, I noticed that my gallon was still laying next to me (now empty) and also this.

Who was this girl?! and how did she end up next to me in the ditch. Alcohol…. is my only answer (picture taken before my phone died, which ALWAYS happens when I get wasted).

I have many more stories which include me getting carried out of bars, various bar fights and other cool shit that happens when you drink but I really don’t feel like writting a fricking 45 page post, so that’s all I got for now. I’ll leave you with this image of the best use of empty beer cases ever. You’re Welcome….